Life is funny... true...But it is also sad. I go to sleep some nights and I can feel my heart pounding so loudly I know it is struggling to keep working. I feel like Iam sick but because I dont have health insurance and no money I wont really be able to do anything about it. My life will end in the blink of an eye and it may be sooner than later. My biggest regrets will be:
1) That I couldnt give my children the sense of security that they deserved they deserved school money, freedom from addictions, a strong role model, better/smarter genes. (I hope they do know that I am very proud of them though and that I did and do love them with every fiber of my being...I just didnt know how to be the great mom who guided them to great things and for that Iam forever sorry)
2) Im so very sorry that I will not be able to hold my grandbabys in this life. I hope that if there is a God that I will be able to watch over them and my Andrea and Ryan until their time on this earth is thru.
3) I regret that I didnt marry the right man. That I didnt work harder to have my marriage be a a good one, a life long one. It would have been nice to have a man I could have made proud and happy ... and he done the same for me.
4) I have no regrets about the work I did once I found the work I was meant to do. I loved massage and making others feel better was a great joy to me. I guess if I have a regret about massage it would be that my kids didnt like massage and never really wanted one from me :-(. That I do regret.
5) That I wasnt a millionaire and could have my family all around me all my life and that I didnt have more children to enjoy...It would have been nice to have 10 kids and a big huge House and Lots of money to make them all happy. For as my end nears I realize that family is all there really is in this life. Everything else is just gravy as they say. :-)
6) I regret I didnt keep better care of my vessel. I should have exercised everyday and stayed away from sugar. But I loved foods and drinks...starbucks mochas were like opening a little Christmas present every time and pei weis Mangolian Beef well you know i loved it :-). So I enjoyed every day with these little vises that have Im afraid done me in.
If I could impart any words of wisdom it would be "Dont be afraid to do anything". Do everything that comes to your mind. Believe in your self worth that you are a special person and deserve to be respected no matter if you are rich or poor. That is the sadest thing I found about this world that money rules. That good decent people are thrown away daily because they don't have the money to be lifted up to a healthy life.
I have cherished each and every moment I have spent with you Andrea and Ryan. They have been the best moments of my life. I wish they could have been richer and deeper but I hope you know that that is what I wanted more than anything in my life. For you to feel my love.
I had many great moment too! Moments some ppl never have I realize ...I got to go to Europe I have some beautiful snapshots in my mind about my trip and Iam so grateful that I got to go. Standing up by the Flatirons and looking out over Boulder. Mackinaw Is Michigan and upper Michigan and the cabin/trailer. My moms last days that I got to be there with her. Looking out from my grandmas porch and listening to the bells chime in the church a few blocks away. Sitting with my dad on our front porch while a wild storm passed over and hearing him say "Isnt it magnificent" My breath was taken away by many beautiful things. So really my regrets are few. My life has been full. I love my family Andrea and Ry, Mom, Dad, John, Jill, Dave, Barb, Holly, Jake, Britt, Aunt Phyl, and all my family in Minnesota who I really loved visiting with. I have been blessed to have you all in my life. Thanks for being there.
Life is funny and Iam glad I got to laugh thru it! :) Be Happy! Enjoy Every Moment! Love you all, Deb
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Saturday, September 3, 2011
9/11/11 Ten Years Later!
As the time for 9/11 draws near Im asked by every newspaper and general interest poll...Where were you the day those plans hit the twin towers?
Well I have snippits of that day in my head. I arrived at my work .... South Davis Community Hospital I was a receptionist there while attending Utah College of Massage Therapy. I thought the World was about to be at war when I heard the report of that first plan hitting Tower #1.. I grabbed the phone on the reception desk and called both my children who where in school at that time...I asked the girl who answered the phone to get them out of class, so I could tell them I loved them one last time!!
After talking to them I stayed at work? I cant believe I did that considering the end of the world was at hand....What if it really had been the end? Would I have really manned my post till the big bang blew me out of that swivel chair I was attached too???? We'll never know that for sure...
All day long everyone was frantic and near panic...The phones rang constantly with ppl trying to get ahold of their loved ones in the hospital. The one thing I do remember is everyone stayed at work. I look back on that now and all I can say is America is a strong country for many reasons one of them being our WorkForce. And, on that day most everyone trusted in the strength of our Government to protect us and stop the attacks.
I went home that evening and spent time with my kids and their friends. We pretty much stayed close to new flashes on the tv. Watching the towers fall again and again. One of my kids friends just happen to have his Birthday on that fateful day. I remember driving him home that night and while he was sad for all the ppl that were lost, the bulk of his conversation that night was about how mad he was that his Birthday would now forever be defined by this tragedy.
So I guess what I do remember most about that terrible day... is that I realized how differently each person see's and is affected by any given event. For me I thought I'd never see my kids again... for him his special day marred from that day forward.... For the families who called to talk to their loved ones thats all that mattered. And to the Families that lost loved ones in the Towers it must have felt like the REAL end of the World.
Well I have snippits of that day in my head. I arrived at my work .... South Davis Community Hospital I was a receptionist there while attending Utah College of Massage Therapy. I thought the World was about to be at war when I heard the report of that first plan hitting Tower #1.. I grabbed the phone on the reception desk and called both my children who where in school at that time...I asked the girl who answered the phone to get them out of class, so I could tell them I loved them one last time!!
After talking to them I stayed at work? I cant believe I did that considering the end of the world was at hand....What if it really had been the end? Would I have really manned my post till the big bang blew me out of that swivel chair I was attached too???? We'll never know that for sure...
All day long everyone was frantic and near panic...The phones rang constantly with ppl trying to get ahold of their loved ones in the hospital. The one thing I do remember is everyone stayed at work. I look back on that now and all I can say is America is a strong country for many reasons one of them being our WorkForce. And, on that day most everyone trusted in the strength of our Government to protect us and stop the attacks.
I went home that evening and spent time with my kids and their friends. We pretty much stayed close to new flashes on the tv. Watching the towers fall again and again. One of my kids friends just happen to have his Birthday on that fateful day. I remember driving him home that night and while he was sad for all the ppl that were lost, the bulk of his conversation that night was about how mad he was that his Birthday would now forever be defined by this tragedy.
So I guess what I do remember most about that terrible day... is that I realized how differently each person see's and is affected by any given event. For me I thought I'd never see my kids again... for him his special day marred from that day forward.... For the families who called to talk to their loved ones thats all that mattered. And to the Families that lost loved ones in the Towers it must have felt like the REAL end of the World.
Friday, May 20, 2011
End of the world begins??? What????
So predictions state that on May 21st at 4:00 pm Utah time the earth will begin to rebel against its squatters... ManKind...
I know its all a bunch of hooey ... but one never knows so here are some parting thoughts... This life has been hard and yet easy. I wish Money didnt run the world I think it would have been a better place if money didnt come between me and the ppl I loved and me and my self worth. Although I do acknowledge and I do know that I have been one of the very lucky ones on this planet. I lived in a clean pristine place where for the most part ppl cared about each other and gave of them selves to make the world a better place.
I was moved by Gods Grace on many occasions. When I was young and I was moved by the spirit of God for the first time in a small chapel somewhere in Minnesota. When I graduated from High School with 1000 other ppl all dressed in red and white. When I went to a lone trailer in the woods with a kind hearted person who would one day shape my family. When I looked in the the eyes of my 2 beautiful children for the first time. When I walked across the stage to get my certificate of completion from Utah College of Massage Therapy and my husband and kids were there for me. When I sat and tried to feed my mother some cake from her 80th birthday, which would prove to be her last and when I saw a cross in the sky over my head that followed me for miles the day she died. When I laughed so hard I peed my self just a little at one of my extraordinary moments with my son. Watching my little girl become a woman on her perfect wedding day. These are moments I cherish and Iam so blessed to have had the life that I have had.
Well whether the world ends tomorrow or a million years from tomorrow. Iam glad I was here. Iam glad I had the love I had for my family and my friends. God Bless us all what ever comes. I love you!
I know its all a bunch of hooey ... but one never knows so here are some parting thoughts... This life has been hard and yet easy. I wish Money didnt run the world I think it would have been a better place if money didnt come between me and the ppl I loved and me and my self worth. Although I do acknowledge and I do know that I have been one of the very lucky ones on this planet. I lived in a clean pristine place where for the most part ppl cared about each other and gave of them selves to make the world a better place.
I was moved by Gods Grace on many occasions. When I was young and I was moved by the spirit of God for the first time in a small chapel somewhere in Minnesota. When I graduated from High School with 1000 other ppl all dressed in red and white. When I went to a lone trailer in the woods with a kind hearted person who would one day shape my family. When I looked in the the eyes of my 2 beautiful children for the first time. When I walked across the stage to get my certificate of completion from Utah College of Massage Therapy and my husband and kids were there for me. When I sat and tried to feed my mother some cake from her 80th birthday, which would prove to be her last and when I saw a cross in the sky over my head that followed me for miles the day she died. When I laughed so hard I peed my self just a little at one of my extraordinary moments with my son. Watching my little girl become a woman on her perfect wedding day. These are moments I cherish and Iam so blessed to have had the life that I have had.
Well whether the world ends tomorrow or a million years from tomorrow. Iam glad I was here. Iam glad I had the love I had for my family and my friends. God Bless us all what ever comes. I love you!
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
My 2 line movie review.
Thor was HOT.... Movie was not! But i could not take my eyes off off the blue eyed wonder. He was perfect for the part.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
What a few couple of days!
From the joy of a beautiful Royal Wedding to the elation of a mans demise. This weekend was history in the making.
I got up early Friday morning to watch the union of Kate Middleton and Prince William in holy matrimony. I hadn't really intended to get up as I had the Tivo set for the whole affair but, for some reason, when 4 am rolled around I was wide awake, so I took it as a sign I was to get up and watch this Historic Event. Just as I had done so many years ago at Lady Di's and Prince Charles nuptials. The two weddings couldn't have been more similar and yet very different.
Lady Di's wedding was a FANTASY. I'm not sure if it was because I saw it thru the eyes of a young married woman full of hopeful anticipation of what life would bring to us all. There was so much promise in that day. The horse drawn carriages, the armies of men on horseback and the unbelievable train on her wedding dress! I imagined our kids growing up at about the same time and watching her family and her as they faced the challenges of the world they lived in. The promise that all newlyweds see in their future, eternal family, never ending love and happy security forever. But, time and reality seems to have a way for kicking all those theories like the can on the street ... down into the gutter. Life didn't end well for the fairy princess... and the prince while finding a new princess found companionship but who knows if his life was any better, any happier or was it just a whole new set of obstacles that had to be over come? But on that Day so many years ago. There was a hopefullness about the future.
And just as on Lady Di's day ... Kate M's day was fanciful, yes. But, some how so much more real. She invited her local butcher for goodness sake, and the bar owner in her small town. Can't get much more real than that. So while all the same pomp and circumstance was there on their day Friday April 29, 2011 as it was on Dianna and Charles day way back on July 29, 1981. There was a definite sense that their marriage was based on mutual love and not just duty. That they headed into their life together with a determination if you will to have a lasting and sincere existence. The one thing I would personally like to mention here is her dress. It was perfect, understated and elegant. It was a regal choice. She was a beautiful bride. I do hope for the best, that they will stay together always.
So then there came Sunday May 1, 2011... The man who master minded the killing of thousands at the World Trade Center, the Pentegan and in Pennsylvania on 9-11-2001 was killed and millions cheered. It was a necessary step that had to be followed and many have the right to be happy. But a person died and we as humans must all have to pause and say there but by the grace of God go I, for Evil and Good live in all of us. And we do not know why some of us are blessed with the light while others are engulfed by darkness.... May God have mercy on us all.
I got up early Friday morning to watch the union of Kate Middleton and Prince William in holy matrimony. I hadn't really intended to get up as I had the Tivo set for the whole affair but, for some reason, when 4 am rolled around I was wide awake, so I took it as a sign I was to get up and watch this Historic Event. Just as I had done so many years ago at Lady Di's and Prince Charles nuptials. The two weddings couldn't have been more similar and yet very different.
Lady Di's wedding was a FANTASY. I'm not sure if it was because I saw it thru the eyes of a young married woman full of hopeful anticipation of what life would bring to us all. There was so much promise in that day. The horse drawn carriages, the armies of men on horseback and the unbelievable train on her wedding dress! I imagined our kids growing up at about the same time and watching her family and her as they faced the challenges of the world they lived in. The promise that all newlyweds see in their future, eternal family, never ending love and happy security forever. But, time and reality seems to have a way for kicking all those theories like the can on the street ... down into the gutter. Life didn't end well for the fairy princess... and the prince while finding a new princess found companionship but who knows if his life was any better, any happier or was it just a whole new set of obstacles that had to be over come? But on that Day so many years ago. There was a hopefullness about the future.
And just as on Lady Di's day ... Kate M's day was fanciful, yes. But, some how so much more real. She invited her local butcher for goodness sake, and the bar owner in her small town. Can't get much more real than that. So while all the same pomp and circumstance was there on their day Friday April 29, 2011 as it was on Dianna and Charles day way back on July 29, 1981. There was a definite sense that their marriage was based on mutual love and not just duty. That they headed into their life together with a determination if you will to have a lasting and sincere existence. The one thing I would personally like to mention here is her dress. It was perfect, understated and elegant. It was a regal choice. She was a beautiful bride. I do hope for the best, that they will stay together always.
So then there came Sunday May 1, 2011... The man who master minded the killing of thousands at the World Trade Center, the Pentegan and in Pennsylvania on 9-11-2001 was killed and millions cheered. It was a necessary step that had to be followed and many have the right to be happy. But a person died and we as humans must all have to pause and say there but by the grace of God go I, for Evil and Good live in all of us. And we do not know why some of us are blessed with the light while others are engulfed by darkness.... May God have mercy on us all.
Friday, April 15, 2011
I'll take that Challenge...Lets see if I have 15 confessions...?
1. I dye my hair...bet you didnt know that...lmao!
2. Iam addicted to Starbucks Mochas yummm
3. Even as a kid...going to the movies was always my favorite thing to do. I always wanted to be a projectionist...And not even knowing that, my daughter became one!? Life is strange like that.
4. I had a passed life regression that changed my way of thinking.
5. Ive fallen head over heals with only 2 ppl...love at first sight...but neither person was meant for me? That is why I dont understand love???? But, I still hold out hope :-)
6. I really can't get enough of Master Piece Theater... the ones set in the 1700/1800's.
7. I'd like to be thin... But I like food soooo much more!
8. I hate exercising! But always feel good when I do.... I suppose thats not too surprising....
9. I have moved every year since my divorce in 2002.... I have enjoyed it...But Im tired of it now...i'd like to settle down.
10. If I could I would eat Pei Weis at least 2 times a week...love that place!
11. I always wanted to be a movie star...not for the work but for the MONEY!
12. My first kiss was at Arlington Park Elementary last day of the 5th grade, behind the school... a quick peck and ran away...hehe
13. I have two homes...one in Ohio with my bros and sis in laws and the one that pulls me here being near my kids in Utah. I've always felt split between the two.
14. I want to travel again before I die...Ireland and Australia and England and Italy....
15. If I could I would have had more children...they light my world! Love you A and R and S too!
2. Iam addicted to Starbucks Mochas yummm
3. Even as a kid...going to the movies was always my favorite thing to do. I always wanted to be a projectionist...And not even knowing that, my daughter became one!? Life is strange like that.
4. I had a passed life regression that changed my way of thinking.
5. Ive fallen head over heals with only 2 ppl...love at first sight...but neither person was meant for me? That is why I dont understand love???? But, I still hold out hope :-)
6. I really can't get enough of Master Piece Theater... the ones set in the 1700/1800's.
7. I'd like to be thin... But I like food soooo much more!
8. I hate exercising! But always feel good when I do.... I suppose thats not too surprising....
9. I have moved every year since my divorce in 2002.... I have enjoyed it...But Im tired of it now...i'd like to settle down.
10. If I could I would eat Pei Weis at least 2 times a week...love that place!
11. I always wanted to be a movie star...not for the work but for the MONEY!
12. My first kiss was at Arlington Park Elementary last day of the 5th grade, behind the school... a quick peck and ran away...hehe
13. I have two homes...one in Ohio with my bros and sis in laws and the one that pulls me here being near my kids in Utah. I've always felt split between the two.
14. I want to travel again before I die...Ireland and Australia and England and Italy....
15. If I could I would have had more children...they light my world! Love you A and R and S too!
Monday, April 11, 2011
Whats Next!
Massage Therapy has become my life. I love my work and feel a great sense of joy when someone says "That is the best Massage I have ever had". I feel like I actually did massage in a passed life. Its like coming home every time I touch someone. I will do massage work until I can no more...which I hope will be never. So that is one thing I know is next for me...Massage~
My thoughts these days tho have turned to Love relationships. I have not really had any desire to have a relationship these past 10 years. Sex with a few really hot men yes....But no lasting ties. I feel like the meaning in and around relationships has eluded me. I dont know why ppl enter into them. For Security? For Money? So you dont have to be alone...ok...I see those reasons. But, it doesnt seem to me that relationships actually work? To much... boredom, fighting, manipulating and betrayal to bring true happiness. Maybe there are those couples who find their "soul mates", but even then, understanding someone elses thought processes seems a daunting task. Growing up I was sure that relationships were magical. That if they didnt start with goosebumps and heart palpitations then they werent worth the time to pursue. And I think even today that thought still lingers in my sub-conscious. Even though age and time has brought me a clearer picture of what really is. I would one day love to meet someone that thinks like I do... free and easy. Someone that I can have inside jokes with. That would be a great Whats Next~
Health! Having good health as one ages is a crap shoot. But good health would be a nice Whats Next! Although, it seems unlikely one gets to the end without some kind of health issue. I hope that my issues are small and not a burden to anyone...including me.. :-)
Well just a few... Whats Nexts... more to come!
My thoughts these days tho have turned to Love relationships. I have not really had any desire to have a relationship these past 10 years. Sex with a few really hot men yes....But no lasting ties. I feel like the meaning in and around relationships has eluded me. I dont know why ppl enter into them. For Security? For Money? So you dont have to be alone...ok...I see those reasons. But, it doesnt seem to me that relationships actually work? To much... boredom, fighting, manipulating and betrayal to bring true happiness. Maybe there are those couples who find their "soul mates", but even then, understanding someone elses thought processes seems a daunting task. Growing up I was sure that relationships were magical. That if they didnt start with goosebumps and heart palpitations then they werent worth the time to pursue. And I think even today that thought still lingers in my sub-conscious. Even though age and time has brought me a clearer picture of what really is. I would one day love to meet someone that thinks like I do... free and easy. Someone that I can have inside jokes with. That would be a great Whats Next~
Health! Having good health as one ages is a crap shoot. But good health would be a nice Whats Next! Although, it seems unlikely one gets to the end without some kind of health issue. I hope that my issues are small and not a burden to anyone...including me.. :-)
Well just a few... Whats Nexts... more to come!
Sunday, April 10, 2011
The Middle Years Volume two!
Well as promised I must complete the saga.... I have to cleanse my palette before moving on to Whats Next!
The most important thing for sure about the Middle Years is the birth of my two kids A and R. They are without a doubt the best thing that happened in the 80's. For me and the world! Well, maybe mostly for my world. I dont want to sound tooo grandiose. Even though I do think they hung the moon...but, thats just my opinion. :-).
"A" was born in the condo just outside of Boulder. She was a beautiful baby, long eyelashes and rosey red lips. She even had a full head of black hair, which never fell out but grew out to a flaxen blonde, which made her look like a mini punk rocker till with much regret we snipped off the black ends. When we left from there, we moved into a house in a quaint little town between Denver and Boulder called Louisville. In Louisville "R" was born. When we drove to the hospital to have him .... I remember it was dark and cold and early about 5am. Bears folks had come to stay with "A" who was now almost 2 while we went off to welcome our next sweet bundle. We speculated on the way to the hospital weather we were having a boy or girl. We never did find out the sex of either of our kids...it was a fun surprise and it didn't matter anyway... We loved them even before they were here with us.
When we had "R" the hospital had just been remodelled and I remember friends coming to visit us in a Homestyle room w/lace curtains, soft wall paper and a big white rocker in the corner. The Hospital even brought us a room service style "Lobster Dinner" on china with a white table cloth and flowers. It was a fun memory and an unusual experience which I remember all these 24 years later.
Time passed quickly over the next 2 years we joined the LDS faith and were sealed together as a family in the Denver Temple. It was sweet and nice and a bond I hold very Sacred.
By the time "A" turned 4 we had left Colorado for Farmington, UT. We lived in a house just below the Farmington Cemetery. A rent to own. The funny thing about this house ... besides its shaking every time a bus drove by... was... While I was house hunting for a place I wore my sunglasses the whole time. It was a cute house decorated in that 70's leaf wall paper motif. But, what I didn't realize until we actually moved in was it had a Bright Lime Green carpet... that with my sunglasses on looked totally tan.... lol...I still have to laugh when I think about that
Years passed... the kids grew. I missed my family in Ohio and issues arose which started the cracks that would eventually contribute to the demise of our Marriage, Bears and I's. 2001 brought lots of change...separation.... divorce..... living in a fog.... and stepping over the edge of reality... I had great highs and great lows during these few years. I'm sorry for those I hurt. NOW, being years away from wrong decisions and the drama that is created in the whirlwind of divorce. I look back and wish some things HAD worked out and somethings HAD NOT worked out the way that they did. But all in all, being single has enriched my life in ways being married wouldn't have. I look forward now not back and I wish everyone peace and happiness and understanding as they proceed on their journeys....
So.... Whats Next!?
The most important thing for sure about the Middle Years is the birth of my two kids A and R. They are without a doubt the best thing that happened in the 80's. For me and the world! Well, maybe mostly for my world. I dont want to sound tooo grandiose. Even though I do think they hung the moon...but, thats just my opinion. :-).
"A" was born in the condo just outside of Boulder. She was a beautiful baby, long eyelashes and rosey red lips. She even had a full head of black hair, which never fell out but grew out to a flaxen blonde, which made her look like a mini punk rocker till with much regret we snipped off the black ends. When we left from there, we moved into a house in a quaint little town between Denver and Boulder called Louisville. In Louisville "R" was born. When we drove to the hospital to have him .... I remember it was dark and cold and early about 5am. Bears folks had come to stay with "A" who was now almost 2 while we went off to welcome our next sweet bundle. We speculated on the way to the hospital weather we were having a boy or girl. We never did find out the sex of either of our kids...it was a fun surprise and it didn't matter anyway... We loved them even before they were here with us.
When we had "R" the hospital had just been remodelled and I remember friends coming to visit us in a Homestyle room w/lace curtains, soft wall paper and a big white rocker in the corner. The Hospital even brought us a room service style "Lobster Dinner" on china with a white table cloth and flowers. It was a fun memory and an unusual experience which I remember all these 24 years later.
Time passed quickly over the next 2 years we joined the LDS faith and were sealed together as a family in the Denver Temple. It was sweet and nice and a bond I hold very Sacred.
By the time "A" turned 4 we had left Colorado for Farmington, UT. We lived in a house just below the Farmington Cemetery. A rent to own. The funny thing about this house ... besides its shaking every time a bus drove by... was... While I was house hunting for a place I wore my sunglasses the whole time. It was a cute house decorated in that 70's leaf wall paper motif. But, what I didn't realize until we actually moved in was it had a Bright Lime Green carpet... that with my sunglasses on looked totally tan.... lol...I still have to laugh when I think about that
Years passed... the kids grew. I missed my family in Ohio and issues arose which started the cracks that would eventually contribute to the demise of our Marriage, Bears and I's. 2001 brought lots of change...separation.... divorce..... living in a fog.... and stepping over the edge of reality... I had great highs and great lows during these few years. I'm sorry for those I hurt. NOW, being years away from wrong decisions and the drama that is created in the whirlwind of divorce. I look back and wish some things HAD worked out and somethings HAD NOT worked out the way that they did. But all in all, being single has enriched my life in ways being married wouldn't have. I look forward now not back and I wish everyone peace and happiness and understanding as they proceed on their journeys....
So.... Whats Next!?
Friday, April 8, 2011
Government Shut Down BS
REALLY! What a bunch of lieing immature babies! Congress is out of control....no I cant No I wount Well we will just shut it down then! Im going to shut it down watch me...Im going to count to 3 1 ... 2... OH ok never mind. Dumb asses! We are the dumb ones for believing their BS.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
The Middle Years!
Ok well, dating, newlywed and beyond.... The glory day!
Well, after meeting in a dark smoke filled performance hall, the man I was to wed and have my babies with, the next step was that dreaded first date. As first dates go, ours was kinda cute. We meet at a mall in front of Santa Claus and walked around looking at all the Christmas fare and holding hands.
He was a college boy. Check, on some imaginary list, to find the perfect mate, I got a check. I'd never actually written any such list down nor had I ever even thought of a list. Looking back now it might have been a good idea. But anyway, apparently these things really are inbred somewhere in our immature female "psyche's" (See Footnote), at least in the minds of girls raised in the 60's. We were so programmed, um I mean, raised, to believe happily ever after really was a reality and not just a good way to send Cinderella off to her end. That we ran around looking for that other half... the one that would make us whole...oh what a "hole".
We could not have been more wrong in our thinking.
No one person can make you WHOLE. Only you can make you whole. Only you can realize the life you want. If that includes someone beside you that's good. More power to you. But know that beside you does not mean under you or over you or holding you up. It means beside you, Loving the best that each of you has to give, and tolerating the worst. And Happily ever after is mostly not giving up when the going gets rough. Because it will get rough, it will get messy and it will change you in many ways.Here's to always hoping the changes in you will be for the good :-).
So, back to the M Years..................We were very progressive Bear and I as relationships went back then. We moved to Boulder, C and got a small basement apartment together. Some ppl thought we were living in sin. But, mostly ppl thought it was ok. Remember this was the early 80's it still was kind of thought best to graduate high school and get married before cohabitating. Thoughts on the subject today are more forgiving. More free. Live and let live... what is best for you is best for you...only you know what that is. That is how I have always thought anyways, life is not black and white but many shades of gray.
Boulder, C was an amazing place in the early 80's. It was a small college town with one real hot spot the Pearl Street Mall. Street Performers would hang out there on the weekends and shops would offer rainbow shirts and peace sign patches and wonderful foods like falafals, yum "Falafal King"... I went back recently and to my surprise Falafal King still stands today. A testament to how dang good they are.
We moved from our small basement apt to a condo just outside of Boulder city limits. We had some good times there, good friends, good dramas: One friends wife was cheating on him, one woman left her husband and returned to her home back east, One handsome neighbor, who was the complexes maintenance man, had all the women in the complex wanting him to fix their pipes, wink wink. His wife was a beautiful girl tho so I like to think he never strayed, but that to this day has not been confirmed. Well as far as I know they ended their marriage. I, saw her years later and she was happy with a new perfect mate. So good for them. I know they went on Judge Judy over some property dispute... but other than that I think all went smoothly for them?
It seems the middle years had alot to them... or I'm just all over the place since its 4:00am... Maybe I'll just do a Middle Years Volume 2. :-0 that's a yawn...not for volume 2 for the hour.. be nice! Anyways, Good Night
Footnote: Yeah for spell check...but even words like psyche's not sure about????
Well, after meeting in a dark smoke filled performance hall, the man I was to wed and have my babies with, the next step was that dreaded first date. As first dates go, ours was kinda cute. We meet at a mall in front of Santa Claus and walked around looking at all the Christmas fare and holding hands.
He was a college boy. Check, on some imaginary list, to find the perfect mate, I got a check. I'd never actually written any such list down nor had I ever even thought of a list. Looking back now it might have been a good idea. But anyway, apparently these things really are inbred somewhere in our immature female "psyche's" (See Footnote), at least in the minds of girls raised in the 60's. We were so programmed, um I mean, raised, to believe happily ever after really was a reality and not just a good way to send Cinderella off to her end. That we ran around looking for that other half... the one that would make us whole...oh what a "hole".
We could not have been more wrong in our thinking.
No one person can make you WHOLE. Only you can make you whole. Only you can realize the life you want. If that includes someone beside you that's good. More power to you. But know that beside you does not mean under you or over you or holding you up. It means beside you, Loving the best that each of you has to give, and tolerating the worst. And Happily ever after is mostly not giving up when the going gets rough. Because it will get rough, it will get messy and it will change you in many ways.Here's to always hoping the changes in you will be for the good :-).
So, back to the M Years..................We were very progressive Bear and I as relationships went back then. We moved to Boulder, C and got a small basement apartment together. Some ppl thought we were living in sin. But, mostly ppl thought it was ok. Remember this was the early 80's it still was kind of thought best to graduate high school and get married before cohabitating. Thoughts on the subject today are more forgiving. More free. Live and let live... what is best for you is best for you...only you know what that is. That is how I have always thought anyways, life is not black and white but many shades of gray.
Boulder, C was an amazing place in the early 80's. It was a small college town with one real hot spot the Pearl Street Mall. Street Performers would hang out there on the weekends and shops would offer rainbow shirts and peace sign patches and wonderful foods like falafals, yum "Falafal King"... I went back recently and to my surprise Falafal King still stands today. A testament to how dang good they are.
We moved from our small basement apt to a condo just outside of Boulder city limits. We had some good times there, good friends, good dramas: One friends wife was cheating on him, one woman left her husband and returned to her home back east, One handsome neighbor, who was the complexes maintenance man, had all the women in the complex wanting him to fix their pipes, wink wink. His wife was a beautiful girl tho so I like to think he never strayed, but that to this day has not been confirmed. Well as far as I know they ended their marriage. I, saw her years later and she was happy with a new perfect mate. So good for them. I know they went on Judge Judy over some property dispute... but other than that I think all went smoothly for them?
It seems the middle years had alot to them... or I'm just all over the place since its 4:00am... Maybe I'll just do a Middle Years Volume 2. :-0 that's a yawn...not for volume 2 for the hour.. be nice! Anyways, Good Night
Footnote: Yeah for spell check...but even words like psyche's not sure about????
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
The Early Years!
I can remember watching black and white tv. I was 6 years old or so when JFK was shot....we watched it all unfold on a little 19 inch black and white. ... When we got our first Color TV it was a magical moment. Of course we only had 3 channels to choose from, totally inhumane, I know. Now even the hand held movies on our phones are in all kinds of shades of color and picking up a channel from Russia or Iraq is an every day occurance. Life does progress even though on a day to day measure we feel like we are standing still. Then you hit 50 and realize you have sped ahead 44 years and can still feel the wind from the flash forward blowing your hair back. Life does leave you with faint flashes tho like...Dancing to my last dance of the 8th grade w/Curt Stewart (The last dance was always Hey Jude, because it lasted the longest of all the songs back then), Swimming at Morning Side. Pool lights lit..in the dark of night..a.cute blond haired boy...kisses in the deep end. Oh, we were sooo hot, and soooo young, we only kissed...little did we know then there could have been so much more. Innocence can be so over rated. But a nice memory none the less. Only my 50 year old mind thinks of what could have been. Hummmm. High School: I never went to any proms, which i do kind of regret. But, the girls I hung out with on Prom Night ie., got drunk with, were a blast. PS... Throwing beer cans under the car after we out ran the police was and ingenious idea Lisa H. Ya wild times. Warning: Don't try this today kids. You wount get away with it. Times were alot simplier and things were alot easier to get away with back then...today you'd be in jail right next to your folks who would be up on charges for being "The Worlds Worst Parents"! Funny thing is, they never blamed the parents back then. I dont know what they were thinking, holding us all accountable for our OWN actions! Then came.... Bell bottom pants, Disco, Rented apartments w/girlfriends, and OHHH the Urban Cowboy craze...it really was a craze! All the boys wore Cowboy hats and boots so they would all look authentic riding the mechanical BULL. They were oh so serious about it too...who could hold on the longest. I beat them all on July 23, 1978 my 23rd Birthday. I rode it for the full time without falling off, my long blonde hair wipin around and I had my arm up in the air just like I'd been ridin my whole life. Actually it was only my second time :-). I even got my picture in the Columbus Dispatch newspaper... right next to, you guessed it, a boy in cowboy boots and a stetson. I continued to Work and Play thru my young 20's... I finished Ohio State School of Cosmetology and worked putting on artifical nails on the Ohio State University campus for a year. By the way, it wasnt like today where ppl love their acrylics. I got dirty looks from college bound hippy wanna be's who proclaimed me to be a spone of satan or a capitalist cop-out. Depending on their major. Wow, it was a different time. Then one fateful night we went to the Agora. My friend K and I walked into the smoke filled room. It was a performance hall on the Ohio State Campus, so there was a stage at one end and tables set around on the floor below. Actually in later years saw Peter Frampton perform there. I know you dont know who that is...So do the 21st century thing and Google Him. Anyways at a round table seated with all of his friends was "Bear" and the Middle Years began.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
I never know what these kids are talking about!
Forgive me for all my stupid comments on Facebook. I swear I never know what these young ppl are talking about. I can remember my parents saying something very similar. But its a sobering reality when you can relate to what your parents once said about being old. You too will be there one day my dears. So be nice to us old folk. Cuz we still want to play too...even if we dont know the game! Thanks for your patience. Love you!
What If? Volume 2
Sorry I just barely made it to work on time, I got so involved in What if? So 3 and 1/2 hrs of massage and 2 hrs of product work later, Im off. Ry and I went to Costa Vida for Sweet Pork Salads.... Love that place. And now we are home. We ate our salads and re-watched Leap Year. Fun movie but, seeing it twice was kind of a waste of time. Ry is playing XBox and im well sitting here in front of my 21st Century Friend. :-) What If? Volume 2 So What If? If I had chosen to stay in Ohio and not come out to the wild West! Would I have met another man and had 2 kids and called them A and R? Would I still be married? Would I be me? Probably not. And because of my Mothers Love I would never give up the opportunity to know and love my 2 off springs. They are magical each in their own way. It doesnt really pay to ask the Question "What if?" Does it? Because as much as we would like to turn back and have a do over. Its not happening! So we look forward for whats around the next curve. We make the best of the paths we have followed. Im glad I had the choice and Im glad I chose this life. I wouldnt have it any other way. Except maybe to have that Tear Jerking Love. That would be nice.... Anyways.. Love is hard in the best of circumstances. There is no music playing in the background and no soft lense making everything warm and fuzzy. I do know one couple that has the right idea. They seem to celebrate ever moment in pics and posts and blog. It is a renewal of their love each time these things are viewed. I hope and pray their love will endure forever. :-)
Ok What If?
What if I had never followed the path that I find my self on today? What if when I was a young, thin (even though I didnt think so then), beautiful lass ... Had I chosen to say, become a nun instead of following the"Bear" out to Colorado and start a new and exciting life? The "Bear" by the way is the name I will loving use to describe my EX. He is and always will be bear to me. Anyway, What If? Well first off... No way would I have ever been a nun not back then. I was a little shall we say percosious... wild... horn... enough... no more be said. Lets just say I wasnt Nun material. But, I did have other paths and I choose this one. The one that brought me 2 beautiful children who for the life of me have become my be all and end all. My bad I know... but a Mothers Love is the most powerful emotion I have ever experienced in this lifetime. I watch sappy love story movies and I cry and think I feel the love between the two love birds...but Im really not sure where the tears come from. Because in my real life that be all, end all, kind of love has eluded me. Oh don't get me wrong I loved Bear in a practical, get things done, do all the things your suppose too, live the best life you can kind of way. But, the stars and stripes and FireWorks kind of love... the kind that makes me cry when I see it on screen... Has never materalized in my own real world. REAL Love is a struggle everyday to stay connected. A Fight against the interference, the white noice if you will of all that surrounds us. So What If... on to Volume 2
Andrea sets her mom up!
So all I said on Facebook was: Don't be sad if your fav, all be it only, daughter NEVER mentions you in her "Fun"tastic Life Blog...Mothers have always been under appreciated...LoVe YoUr MoThEr ToDaY Because one day you will only be able to from a far! Miss U Mom! Ok so it was a tribute to my dear dead mother.... sort of.... and a "Hello I'm Here" to my favorite Sweet Adorable Daughter. So my same said daughter created me my own blog so I can put my happy comments where they wount be seen ie where the sun don't shine. Nice of her huh, Sweet Girl That She Is! I still dont think she has mentioned me in her blog... but thats a blog for another day! So I embark on an adventure... Seeing if I have enough words in this not so well exercised mind to fill a page. Well um, and then i um, see if can..... Ok so Im done for now.... :-) lmao (Im so funny)
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