Life is funny... true...But it is also sad. I go to sleep some nights and I can feel my heart pounding so loudly I know it is struggling to keep working. I feel like Iam sick but because I dont have health insurance and no money I wont really be able to do anything about it. My life will end in the blink of an eye and it may be sooner than later. My biggest regrets will be:
1) That I couldnt give my children the sense of security that they deserved they deserved school money, freedom from addictions, a strong role model, better/smarter genes. (I hope they do know that I am very proud of them though and that I did and do love them with every fiber of my being...I just didnt know how to be the great mom who guided them to great things and for that Iam forever sorry)
2) Im so very sorry that I will not be able to hold my grandbabys in this life. I hope that if there is a God that I will be able to watch over them and my Andrea and Ryan until their time on this earth is thru.
3) I regret that I didnt marry the right man. That I didnt work harder to have my marriage be a a good one, a life long one. It would have been nice to have a man I could have made proud and happy ... and he done the same for me.
4) I have no regrets about the work I did once I found the work I was meant to do. I loved massage and making others feel better was a great joy to me. I guess if I have a regret about massage it would be that my kids didnt like massage and never really wanted one from me :-(. That I do regret.
5) That I wasnt a millionaire and could have my family all around me all my life and that I didnt have more children to enjoy...It would have been nice to have 10 kids and a big huge House and Lots of money to make them all happy. For as my end nears I realize that family is all there really is in this life. Everything else is just gravy as they say. :-)
6) I regret I didnt keep better care of my vessel. I should have exercised everyday and stayed away from sugar. But I loved foods and drinks...starbucks mochas were like opening a little Christmas present every time and pei weis Mangolian Beef well you know i loved it :-). So I enjoyed every day with these little vises that have Im afraid done me in.
If I could impart any words of wisdom it would be "Dont be afraid to do anything". Do everything that comes to your mind. Believe in your self worth that you are a special person and deserve to be respected no matter if you are rich or poor. That is the sadest thing I found about this world that money rules. That good decent people are thrown away daily because they don't have the money to be lifted up to a healthy life.
I have cherished each and every moment I have spent with you Andrea and Ryan. They have been the best moments of my life. I wish they could have been richer and deeper but I hope you know that that is what I wanted more than anything in my life. For you to feel my love.
I had many great moment too! Moments some ppl never have I realize ...I got to go to Europe I have some beautiful snapshots in my mind about my trip and Iam so grateful that I got to go. Standing up by the Flatirons and looking out over Boulder. Mackinaw Is Michigan and upper Michigan and the cabin/trailer. My moms last days that I got to be there with her. Looking out from my grandmas porch and listening to the bells chime in the church a few blocks away. Sitting with my dad on our front porch while a wild storm passed over and hearing him say "Isnt it magnificent" My breath was taken away by many beautiful things. So really my regrets are few. My life has been full. I love my family Andrea and Ry, Mom, Dad, John, Jill, Dave, Barb, Holly, Jake, Britt, Aunt Phyl, and all my family in Minnesota who I really loved visiting with. I have been blessed to have you all in my life. Thanks for being there.
Life is funny and Iam glad I got to laugh thru it! :) Be Happy! Enjoy Every Moment! Love you all, Deb
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