Life is funny... true...But it is also sad. I go to sleep some nights and I can feel my heart pounding so loudly I know it is struggling to keep working. I feel like Iam sick but because I dont have health insurance and no money I wont really be able to do anything about it. My life will end in the blink of an eye and it may be sooner than later. My biggest regrets will be:
1) That I couldnt give my children the sense of security that they deserved they deserved school money, freedom from addictions, a strong role model, better/smarter genes. (I hope they do know that I am very proud of them though and that I did and do love them with every fiber of my being...I just didnt know how to be the great mom who guided them to great things and for that Iam forever sorry)
2) Im so very sorry that I will not be able to hold my grandbabys in this life. I hope that if there is a God that I will be able to watch over them and my Andrea and Ryan until their time on this earth is thru.
3) I regret that I didnt marry the right man. That I didnt work harder to have my marriage be a a good one, a life long one. It would have been nice to have a man I could have made proud and happy ... and he done the same for me.
4) I have no regrets about the work I did once I found the work I was meant to do. I loved massage and making others feel better was a great joy to me. I guess if I have a regret about massage it would be that my kids didnt like massage and never really wanted one from me :-(. That I do regret.
5) That I wasnt a millionaire and could have my family all around me all my life and that I didnt have more children to enjoy...It would have been nice to have 10 kids and a big huge House and Lots of money to make them all happy. For as my end nears I realize that family is all there really is in this life. Everything else is just gravy as they say. :-)
6) I regret I didnt keep better care of my vessel. I should have exercised everyday and stayed away from sugar. But I loved foods and drinks...starbucks mochas were like opening a little Christmas present every time and pei weis Mangolian Beef well you know i loved it :-). So I enjoyed every day with these little vises that have Im afraid done me in.
If I could impart any words of wisdom it would be "Dont be afraid to do anything". Do everything that comes to your mind. Believe in your self worth that you are a special person and deserve to be respected no matter if you are rich or poor. That is the sadest thing I found about this world that money rules. That good decent people are thrown away daily because they don't have the money to be lifted up to a healthy life.
I have cherished each and every moment I have spent with you Andrea and Ryan. They have been the best moments of my life. I wish they could have been richer and deeper but I hope you know that that is what I wanted more than anything in my life. For you to feel my love.
I had many great moment too! Moments some ppl never have I realize ...I got to go to Europe I have some beautiful snapshots in my mind about my trip and Iam so grateful that I got to go. Standing up by the Flatirons and looking out over Boulder. Mackinaw Is Michigan and upper Michigan and the cabin/trailer. My moms last days that I got to be there with her. Looking out from my grandmas porch and listening to the bells chime in the church a few blocks away. Sitting with my dad on our front porch while a wild storm passed over and hearing him say "Isnt it magnificent" My breath was taken away by many beautiful things. So really my regrets are few. My life has been full. I love my family Andrea and Ry, Mom, Dad, John, Jill, Dave, Barb, Holly, Jake, Britt, Aunt Phyl, and all my family in Minnesota who I really loved visiting with. I have been blessed to have you all in my life. Thanks for being there.
Life is funny and Iam glad I got to laugh thru it! :) Be Happy! Enjoy Every Moment! Love you all, Deb
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Saturday, September 3, 2011
9/11/11 Ten Years Later!
As the time for 9/11 draws near Im asked by every newspaper and general interest poll...Where were you the day those plans hit the twin towers?
Well I have snippits of that day in my head. I arrived at my work .... South Davis Community Hospital I was a receptionist there while attending Utah College of Massage Therapy. I thought the World was about to be at war when I heard the report of that first plan hitting Tower #1.. I grabbed the phone on the reception desk and called both my children who where in school at that time...I asked the girl who answered the phone to get them out of class, so I could tell them I loved them one last time!!
After talking to them I stayed at work? I cant believe I did that considering the end of the world was at hand....What if it really had been the end? Would I have really manned my post till the big bang blew me out of that swivel chair I was attached too???? We'll never know that for sure...
All day long everyone was frantic and near panic...The phones rang constantly with ppl trying to get ahold of their loved ones in the hospital. The one thing I do remember is everyone stayed at work. I look back on that now and all I can say is America is a strong country for many reasons one of them being our WorkForce. And, on that day most everyone trusted in the strength of our Government to protect us and stop the attacks.
I went home that evening and spent time with my kids and their friends. We pretty much stayed close to new flashes on the tv. Watching the towers fall again and again. One of my kids friends just happen to have his Birthday on that fateful day. I remember driving him home that night and while he was sad for all the ppl that were lost, the bulk of his conversation that night was about how mad he was that his Birthday would now forever be defined by this tragedy.
So I guess what I do remember most about that terrible day... is that I realized how differently each person see's and is affected by any given event. For me I thought I'd never see my kids again... for him his special day marred from that day forward.... For the families who called to talk to their loved ones thats all that mattered. And to the Families that lost loved ones in the Towers it must have felt like the REAL end of the World.
Well I have snippits of that day in my head. I arrived at my work .... South Davis Community Hospital I was a receptionist there while attending Utah College of Massage Therapy. I thought the World was about to be at war when I heard the report of that first plan hitting Tower #1.. I grabbed the phone on the reception desk and called both my children who where in school at that time...I asked the girl who answered the phone to get them out of class, so I could tell them I loved them one last time!!
After talking to them I stayed at work? I cant believe I did that considering the end of the world was at hand....What if it really had been the end? Would I have really manned my post till the big bang blew me out of that swivel chair I was attached too???? We'll never know that for sure...
All day long everyone was frantic and near panic...The phones rang constantly with ppl trying to get ahold of their loved ones in the hospital. The one thing I do remember is everyone stayed at work. I look back on that now and all I can say is America is a strong country for many reasons one of them being our WorkForce. And, on that day most everyone trusted in the strength of our Government to protect us and stop the attacks.
I went home that evening and spent time with my kids and their friends. We pretty much stayed close to new flashes on the tv. Watching the towers fall again and again. One of my kids friends just happen to have his Birthday on that fateful day. I remember driving him home that night and while he was sad for all the ppl that were lost, the bulk of his conversation that night was about how mad he was that his Birthday would now forever be defined by this tragedy.
So I guess what I do remember most about that terrible day... is that I realized how differently each person see's and is affected by any given event. For me I thought I'd never see my kids again... for him his special day marred from that day forward.... For the families who called to talk to their loved ones thats all that mattered. And to the Families that lost loved ones in the Towers it must have felt like the REAL end of the World.
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