This world has so much horror in it sometimes.
We go along thinking all is well and life is good and then BAM the outside world comes slamming into our nightly news and welds itself onto our brain with excrusiating pain. The thought of sitting in a dark movie theater and waiting as I have done hundreds of times in my life for some enriching fun escaptism to take me away is now a reason for mini-panic-attacks. Ive been to 2 movies since the tragedy in Theater 9 in Aurora Colorado on July 20, 2012. Spiderman and "The Dark Knight" The Batman movie that was playing that fateful night. It was all I could do to stay seated while the credits began at the beginning of the show... Truefully all I could think about is what part of the movie did he throw that cannester of tear gas and what row was the first poor victim sitting in when he raised his rifle and pulled the trigger? Was it loud and action packed or the slow part where Batman dances with Catwoman? I shrank alittle in my seat and held my purse on my lap because I knew I could stop a bullet with my big heavy filled with junk purse.... pfffff. What crap... If it had happended in this theater would I fall over my friend to save her life or would I step over everyone in an effort to save my own? Would the 3 boys that sat beside us be heros or like the guy who ran all the way home and left his family in theater 9???
I do think of those 3 men in Theater 9 that gave up their lives for their girlfriends. What amazing bravery. That is what real men are made of. What greatness is. I hope that when they got to the hallowed presense of Father in Heaven that he hugged them all with open arms and praised them for their selfless acts of courage.
I dont know what drove this crazed killer to do what he did, but he has taken yet another piece of innocence away from all of us. Dragged humanity down to a dark place that we fight so hard to pretend does not exist. Was he a bad person, was he possessed by satan, or did he just feel so alone that nothing mattered, no one mattered. Loneliness, a sense of being disconnected from others is a very dark place indeed. We need to reach out more to one another. To care about each other more. I know Iam bad at gathering those I know who need more love and encouragement up and giving it to them. But I do pray for more insight, for more love in my heart to help those I know need it. Including maybe even my self.....
God Bless us all, Save Us All. And give us all the courage those 3 young men had in that Theater on that dark July night.
Monday, July 30, 2012
Friday, July 13, 2012
Im a Grandma....Wow
Well its been a great month. From Being at the Hospital for the birth of my first sweet grandson (Taiyden Seth Gabbitas born 6/5/2012). To watching my daughter as she bonds and cherishes her little guy. I Thank God Everyday for the gift he has given me to be a Grandma. Its weird because when I was little my Grandma was so old and now here Iam and Im So Young .... lol Life is all about perspective :)
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Yes Virginia there is a FUTURE! :-)
Ones perspective and life csn change, even if you think it never will. You go along for years and things seem like they will never be different, then low and behold. They Are! Iam so excited for the next adventures in our lives. A new addition. My daughter sweet baby boy.
Well for all my last post being about my demise I guess I am going to live a bit longer lol. I am working like crazy now Product Manager and Massage Therapist. 2 full time jobs. And I cant wait to see my beautiful daughter have her first baby! A Boy Taiyden...its only 4 weeks away Iam so thrilled. Andrea looks so sweet with her little belly and she will be such a wonderful mom I CANT WAIT! Peace and LOvE always :-)
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Life is Funny!
Life is funny... true...But it is also sad. I go to sleep some nights and I can feel my heart pounding so loudly I know it is struggling to keep working. I feel like Iam sick but because I dont have health insurance and no money I wont really be able to do anything about it. My life will end in the blink of an eye and it may be sooner than later. My biggest regrets will be:
1) That I couldnt give my children the sense of security that they deserved they deserved school money, freedom from addictions, a strong role model, better/smarter genes. (I hope they do know that I am very proud of them though and that I did and do love them with every fiber of my being...I just didnt know how to be the great mom who guided them to great things and for that Iam forever sorry)
2) Im so very sorry that I will not be able to hold my grandbabys in this life. I hope that if there is a God that I will be able to watch over them and my Andrea and Ryan until their time on this earth is thru.
3) I regret that I didnt marry the right man. That I didnt work harder to have my marriage be a a good one, a life long one. It would have been nice to have a man I could have made proud and happy ... and he done the same for me.
4) I have no regrets about the work I did once I found the work I was meant to do. I loved massage and making others feel better was a great joy to me. I guess if I have a regret about massage it would be that my kids didnt like massage and never really wanted one from me :-(. That I do regret.
5) That I wasnt a millionaire and could have my family all around me all my life and that I didnt have more children to enjoy...It would have been nice to have 10 kids and a big huge House and Lots of money to make them all happy. For as my end nears I realize that family is all there really is in this life. Everything else is just gravy as they say. :-)
6) I regret I didnt keep better care of my vessel. I should have exercised everyday and stayed away from sugar. But I loved foods and drinks...starbucks mochas were like opening a little Christmas present every time and pei weis Mangolian Beef well you know i loved it :-). So I enjoyed every day with these little vises that have Im afraid done me in.
If I could impart any words of wisdom it would be "Dont be afraid to do anything". Do everything that comes to your mind. Believe in your self worth that you are a special person and deserve to be respected no matter if you are rich or poor. That is the sadest thing I found about this world that money rules. That good decent people are thrown away daily because they don't have the money to be lifted up to a healthy life.
I have cherished each and every moment I have spent with you Andrea and Ryan. They have been the best moments of my life. I wish they could have been richer and deeper but I hope you know that that is what I wanted more than anything in my life. For you to feel my love.
I had many great moment too! Moments some ppl never have I realize ...I got to go to Europe I have some beautiful snapshots in my mind about my trip and Iam so grateful that I got to go. Standing up by the Flatirons and looking out over Boulder. Mackinaw Is Michigan and upper Michigan and the cabin/trailer. My moms last days that I got to be there with her. Looking out from my grandmas porch and listening to the bells chime in the church a few blocks away. Sitting with my dad on our front porch while a wild storm passed over and hearing him say "Isnt it magnificent" My breath was taken away by many beautiful things. So really my regrets are few. My life has been full. I love my family Andrea and Ry, Mom, Dad, John, Jill, Dave, Barb, Holly, Jake, Britt, Aunt Phyl, and all my family in Minnesota who I really loved visiting with. I have been blessed to have you all in my life. Thanks for being there.
Life is funny and Iam glad I got to laugh thru it! :) Be Happy! Enjoy Every Moment! Love you all, Deb
1) That I couldnt give my children the sense of security that they deserved they deserved school money, freedom from addictions, a strong role model, better/smarter genes. (I hope they do know that I am very proud of them though and that I did and do love them with every fiber of my being...I just didnt know how to be the great mom who guided them to great things and for that Iam forever sorry)
2) Im so very sorry that I will not be able to hold my grandbabys in this life. I hope that if there is a God that I will be able to watch over them and my Andrea and Ryan until their time on this earth is thru.
3) I regret that I didnt marry the right man. That I didnt work harder to have my marriage be a a good one, a life long one. It would have been nice to have a man I could have made proud and happy ... and he done the same for me.
4) I have no regrets about the work I did once I found the work I was meant to do. I loved massage and making others feel better was a great joy to me. I guess if I have a regret about massage it would be that my kids didnt like massage and never really wanted one from me :-(. That I do regret.
5) That I wasnt a millionaire and could have my family all around me all my life and that I didnt have more children to enjoy...It would have been nice to have 10 kids and a big huge House and Lots of money to make them all happy. For as my end nears I realize that family is all there really is in this life. Everything else is just gravy as they say. :-)
6) I regret I didnt keep better care of my vessel. I should have exercised everyday and stayed away from sugar. But I loved foods and drinks...starbucks mochas were like opening a little Christmas present every time and pei weis Mangolian Beef well you know i loved it :-). So I enjoyed every day with these little vises that have Im afraid done me in.
If I could impart any words of wisdom it would be "Dont be afraid to do anything". Do everything that comes to your mind. Believe in your self worth that you are a special person and deserve to be respected no matter if you are rich or poor. That is the sadest thing I found about this world that money rules. That good decent people are thrown away daily because they don't have the money to be lifted up to a healthy life.
I have cherished each and every moment I have spent with you Andrea and Ryan. They have been the best moments of my life. I wish they could have been richer and deeper but I hope you know that that is what I wanted more than anything in my life. For you to feel my love.
I had many great moment too! Moments some ppl never have I realize ...I got to go to Europe I have some beautiful snapshots in my mind about my trip and Iam so grateful that I got to go. Standing up by the Flatirons and looking out over Boulder. Mackinaw Is Michigan and upper Michigan and the cabin/trailer. My moms last days that I got to be there with her. Looking out from my grandmas porch and listening to the bells chime in the church a few blocks away. Sitting with my dad on our front porch while a wild storm passed over and hearing him say "Isnt it magnificent" My breath was taken away by many beautiful things. So really my regrets are few. My life has been full. I love my family Andrea and Ry, Mom, Dad, John, Jill, Dave, Barb, Holly, Jake, Britt, Aunt Phyl, and all my family in Minnesota who I really loved visiting with. I have been blessed to have you all in my life. Thanks for being there.
Life is funny and Iam glad I got to laugh thru it! :) Be Happy! Enjoy Every Moment! Love you all, Deb
Saturday, September 3, 2011
9/11/11 Ten Years Later!
As the time for 9/11 draws near Im asked by every newspaper and general interest poll...Where were you the day those plans hit the twin towers?
Well I have snippits of that day in my head. I arrived at my work .... South Davis Community Hospital I was a receptionist there while attending Utah College of Massage Therapy. I thought the World was about to be at war when I heard the report of that first plan hitting Tower #1.. I grabbed the phone on the reception desk and called both my children who where in school at that time...I asked the girl who answered the phone to get them out of class, so I could tell them I loved them one last time!!
After talking to them I stayed at work? I cant believe I did that considering the end of the world was at hand....What if it really had been the end? Would I have really manned my post till the big bang blew me out of that swivel chair I was attached too???? We'll never know that for sure...
All day long everyone was frantic and near panic...The phones rang constantly with ppl trying to get ahold of their loved ones in the hospital. The one thing I do remember is everyone stayed at work. I look back on that now and all I can say is America is a strong country for many reasons one of them being our WorkForce. And, on that day most everyone trusted in the strength of our Government to protect us and stop the attacks.
I went home that evening and spent time with my kids and their friends. We pretty much stayed close to new flashes on the tv. Watching the towers fall again and again. One of my kids friends just happen to have his Birthday on that fateful day. I remember driving him home that night and while he was sad for all the ppl that were lost, the bulk of his conversation that night was about how mad he was that his Birthday would now forever be defined by this tragedy.
So I guess what I do remember most about that terrible day... is that I realized how differently each person see's and is affected by any given event. For me I thought I'd never see my kids again... for him his special day marred from that day forward.... For the families who called to talk to their loved ones thats all that mattered. And to the Families that lost loved ones in the Towers it must have felt like the REAL end of the World.
Well I have snippits of that day in my head. I arrived at my work .... South Davis Community Hospital I was a receptionist there while attending Utah College of Massage Therapy. I thought the World was about to be at war when I heard the report of that first plan hitting Tower #1.. I grabbed the phone on the reception desk and called both my children who where in school at that time...I asked the girl who answered the phone to get them out of class, so I could tell them I loved them one last time!!
After talking to them I stayed at work? I cant believe I did that considering the end of the world was at hand....What if it really had been the end? Would I have really manned my post till the big bang blew me out of that swivel chair I was attached too???? We'll never know that for sure...
All day long everyone was frantic and near panic...The phones rang constantly with ppl trying to get ahold of their loved ones in the hospital. The one thing I do remember is everyone stayed at work. I look back on that now and all I can say is America is a strong country for many reasons one of them being our WorkForce. And, on that day most everyone trusted in the strength of our Government to protect us and stop the attacks.
I went home that evening and spent time with my kids and their friends. We pretty much stayed close to new flashes on the tv. Watching the towers fall again and again. One of my kids friends just happen to have his Birthday on that fateful day. I remember driving him home that night and while he was sad for all the ppl that were lost, the bulk of his conversation that night was about how mad he was that his Birthday would now forever be defined by this tragedy.
So I guess what I do remember most about that terrible day... is that I realized how differently each person see's and is affected by any given event. For me I thought I'd never see my kids again... for him his special day marred from that day forward.... For the families who called to talk to their loved ones thats all that mattered. And to the Families that lost loved ones in the Towers it must have felt like the REAL end of the World.
Friday, May 20, 2011
End of the world begins??? What????
So predictions state that on May 21st at 4:00 pm Utah time the earth will begin to rebel against its squatters... ManKind...
I know its all a bunch of hooey ... but one never knows so here are some parting thoughts... This life has been hard and yet easy. I wish Money didnt run the world I think it would have been a better place if money didnt come between me and the ppl I loved and me and my self worth. Although I do acknowledge and I do know that I have been one of the very lucky ones on this planet. I lived in a clean pristine place where for the most part ppl cared about each other and gave of them selves to make the world a better place.
I was moved by Gods Grace on many occasions. When I was young and I was moved by the spirit of God for the first time in a small chapel somewhere in Minnesota. When I graduated from High School with 1000 other ppl all dressed in red and white. When I went to a lone trailer in the woods with a kind hearted person who would one day shape my family. When I looked in the the eyes of my 2 beautiful children for the first time. When I walked across the stage to get my certificate of completion from Utah College of Massage Therapy and my husband and kids were there for me. When I sat and tried to feed my mother some cake from her 80th birthday, which would prove to be her last and when I saw a cross in the sky over my head that followed me for miles the day she died. When I laughed so hard I peed my self just a little at one of my extraordinary moments with my son. Watching my little girl become a woman on her perfect wedding day. These are moments I cherish and Iam so blessed to have had the life that I have had.
Well whether the world ends tomorrow or a million years from tomorrow. Iam glad I was here. Iam glad I had the love I had for my family and my friends. God Bless us all what ever comes. I love you!
I know its all a bunch of hooey ... but one never knows so here are some parting thoughts... This life has been hard and yet easy. I wish Money didnt run the world I think it would have been a better place if money didnt come between me and the ppl I loved and me and my self worth. Although I do acknowledge and I do know that I have been one of the very lucky ones on this planet. I lived in a clean pristine place where for the most part ppl cared about each other and gave of them selves to make the world a better place.
I was moved by Gods Grace on many occasions. When I was young and I was moved by the spirit of God for the first time in a small chapel somewhere in Minnesota. When I graduated from High School with 1000 other ppl all dressed in red and white. When I went to a lone trailer in the woods with a kind hearted person who would one day shape my family. When I looked in the the eyes of my 2 beautiful children for the first time. When I walked across the stage to get my certificate of completion from Utah College of Massage Therapy and my husband and kids were there for me. When I sat and tried to feed my mother some cake from her 80th birthday, which would prove to be her last and when I saw a cross in the sky over my head that followed me for miles the day she died. When I laughed so hard I peed my self just a little at one of my extraordinary moments with my son. Watching my little girl become a woman on her perfect wedding day. These are moments I cherish and Iam so blessed to have had the life that I have had.
Well whether the world ends tomorrow or a million years from tomorrow. Iam glad I was here. Iam glad I had the love I had for my family and my friends. God Bless us all what ever comes. I love you!
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